I Love You More

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

This thought deserves it's own blog.

Lennon jumped up and curled up next to me on the couch as I worked from my laptop, and I found myself lost in a terrifying, and slightly embarrassing, thought. "What if I don't love my baby as much as I love my dog?"

I. Know. How horrifying, right?

I mean, here there are people all over the world that would literally give up everything they have in order to have a child... and here I am, scared about successfully loving mine like I love grown to love a four-legged companion that we bought from a pet store.

I decided to ask Facebook what they thought; maybe I wasn't alone in this "fear". Turns out, I'm not. And turns out, it's not just in regards to your favorite animal. Hmm.

We get scared that we won't love Baby #1 as much as we love our husband, too. Huh.

Then, we discover that the level of love that we DO have for Baby #1 is a frightening, crazy amount that we never thought possible. Later, we get pregnant with Baby #2... we're terrified now that we won't love Baby #2 nearly as much as we love Baby #1. We coudln't possibly... right?

Wrong. Apparently, it's an endless cycle. And the endless cycle is consistently conquered to an extent we can't imagine before the time actually comes.

They've said the same thing to me about the feeling of labor: you can't describe the pain. It's beyond words. It hurts more than you can ever imagine and it's a feeling unlike any other... but when it's over, you literally forget everything that you just felt, because you're consumed with the new, foreign amount of love that you have for that new life, and for your new family. You would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

Every time, we love more. Ok. I can get on board with that.

Here's what I think, now. I think we question ourselves because our capacities to love are being stretched further than what (we imagine) exceeds our humanity. We get just a small taste of the measure of God's love... and the fact that there is no measure. God's love is infinite - no beginning, and no end.

We are terrified that there could be a capacity to which we can love; some sort of hard limit... because for everything else in life, we have tangible proof of it's existence. A beginning, and an end.

I think this is probably the biggest spiritual awakening we can get on our journey into parenthood: to be able to love, even slightly, like Jesus must love us. With no end. With no limit. Can you just imagine?

1 comment:

  1. Gahhhhhh! Corianne! Your writing is flawless. Enough said.