A Baby Changes Everything. Even Vacation.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

I was so nervous to leave you. It sounds morbid, but I was really anxious about me, your dad, Abbie, Martin, Maggie and Mickey being on the same flight. I mean... what if? Crazier things have happened.

I wasn't even scared to leave you in the care of family, I was just terrified of something happening that would keep me from reuniting with you in five days. I've probably watched too many movies or something. I was so worried that I couldn't even get excited about the trip. I cried the entire night before we left.

I cried again when we hugged your Grammy and Opa goodbye... we left really early, and you were still sleeping. I didn't even "say goodbye"; I couldn't. I literally would have fallen all to pieces. I think I was the only one to cry, too, which was so frustrating... why do I have to be a worrier? How do I fix it? It was so hard to look at you the day before we left for the airport, because I couldn't stand that you had no idea that I wasn't going to be the one putting you to bed for the rest of the week. Or feeding you your dinner. Or kissing your cheek when you cried those crocodile-teething-tears.

Well, I made the decision to ignore my irrational and unwarranted fears, and (as cliche as it sounds) trust God to get us to and from vacation safely. I realized that feeding my fears -- giving them any power at all -- just meant that I was starving my faith... and really, who am I to do that?



You did great all week (and so did I. Except for when Abbie and Maggie FaceTimed your cousins, I had to duck and run out of the room so you wouldn't see me and freak out). You kept busy... you went to a bounce house with your cousins (all your cousins - Katie and Aliviah were there, too!), and a children's museum in Olympia. You were teething pretty bad, though, so you were pretty much demanding to be held all day and night. I did what every nursing mother would do and pumped the entire trip... it was a little annoying, but I'm so grateful that I'm home and still able to feed you as if we never skipped a beat. We did it, P!

Seeing your smiling face after five days was overwhelming. As we pulled into the driveway, I couldn't help but feel anxious. What if you didn't remember me? What if you weren't that excited to see me? What if you were inconsolable, feeling completely abandoned by the two people that meant the most to you?

Yeah... none of that happened. Obviously I have an overly dramatic imagination. When I walked in, Grammy was changing your diaper. You saw me when I bent down over her shoulder. It took about four seconds before you lit up like a Christmas tree, and just got this wide-eyed smile on your face. "Hey... wait. You! I like you! Where have you been!?" and you didn't stop smiling all night.

I love being your mama. My life is now an endless battle of doing the right thing. Living and learning. Making tough decisions. Our quick vacation was great for our marriage, and that had to be the most important thing at the moment: making good decisions for you, but then being purposeful in a decision for us. We missed you terribly, but we were able to reconnect as husband and wife, which is always crucial in a marriage. A happy family is born from a happy marriage. So, we did things as responsibly as we could, and we put our faith where it needed to be... and we left on a jet plane ;)

And now, we're back... refreshed... and snuggling with our guy as much as possible.



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