Friday, November 4, 2016

As I was getting settled into my room, waiting for my D&C, the nurse popped in and proclaimed: "hi! Are you the lucky one today?"

I was confused. Surely she'd read my chart and knew why I was here. I gave her grace, though. I imagine it's tough to know what to say in times like these. Maybe she just wanted to make me feel like she cared, and I was lucky because she was going to take good care of me?

I got undressed, and into the hospital bed. Paul was nervously seated next tome, watching my face for any sign of distress or discomfort. I knew he was so worried about me. I loved him even more in those moments.

The nurse's assistant came in, and the nurse left to grab something. The assistant took my temp, and started to place the cuff to take my blood pressure. As the machine whirred and he cuff began to tighten, my nurse poked her head back in the room.

"Hey! ...any chance you could be pregnant?"

The silence was deafening. Is this a sick joke? I stared at her, processing. "What?"

"Pregnant." She smiled. "Could you be pregnant?"

My stare turned to utter disgust. "Yes. I am pregnant. My baby is dead. Do you have any other questions? I'm here for a D&C because I'm pregnant and my baby is dead."

Then I broke down in tears. Paul demanded to know if this was a normal question to ask, because the nurse was busy assuring him that it was, and that "people have D&Cs for lots of reasons". She apologized, but it was a backhanded apology: "I'm sorry I made you cry, but it's a normal question to ask."

A note to those in the medical field: maybe assume that anyone having a D&C might be there under extraordinarily sad circumstances, and do them a favor and check their file before you find it necessary to ask if they might be pregnant. I know hospitals that put a rose sticker on the charts of all moms that experience loss during delivery, to indicate that there is no baby in the room. Of all the ups and downs of this experience, that was the hardest moment of all... aside from my doctor searching and searching for the heartbeat that wasn't there.

After I shared this with my women's group, many other mothers shared they had the same question before their D&C. A question that unnerved them, and re-broke their fragile hearts. I know it's probably pointless, but I'm going to pursue a complaint and find out if this truly is the norm. If it is, it's absolutely not ok.


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  2. Holy Cow that would be horrible!!!! And what a crap apology. Fortunately nobody asked me a dang thing like that before mine... Jordan was overly curious and asked how many D&C they do in a week, and she explained that they do them for a variety of reasons (I guess he was feeling so awkward when having to say what i was having done, like people might think it was a voluntary abortion or something). But fortunately nobody asked me anything like that, I would have lost it at them too. I mean, I cried a ton anyway during the whole thing (I guess I was extremely upset after the procedure when coming out of anesthesia... but I don't remember that fortunately). I am so sorry for your loss... but at this point, even if this isn't the reason God took you on the journey, I am grateful to know I'm not alone because of women like you who share the journey out loud.

  3. Holy Cow that would be horrible!!!! And what a crap apology. Fortunately nobody asked me a dang thing like that before mine...


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